A Penny For Your Thoughts
Are you wondering why the divorce rate nowadays is so high?
Well, according to an email that I got from Ravindi ^_^ (sorry to involve you, Rav), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Mrs right.
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.
This is the full article by Dov Heller, M.A
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for reviewing theprospects of long-term marital success.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, noone wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appearsthat many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms.Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people makewhen they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love and love only.
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profoundtruth here.
Love! is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is theresult of a good marriage.
When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on lovealone.
You need a lot more. Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself
if you're serious about finding & keeping a lifepartner.
QUESTION #1 Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important?
Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time tolive with someone.
What do you plan to do with each other all that time?Travel, eat & jog together?
You need to share something deeper & moremeaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage.You can grow together, or you can grow apart.
50 percent of the! people outthere are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you wantout of life - bottom line - & marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2 Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of havinggood communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts & feelings.
A colleague of mine definesan abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express yourthoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one.
Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3 Is he! /she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person.
How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine definesa good person as "someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing."
So ask about your significant other What do they do with their time?
Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth & people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walkingdown the aisle.
QUESTION #4 How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing thatmakes any relationship work is the ability to give.
By giving, we mean theability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoysgiving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves & self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:
How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers,etc. How do they treat parents & siblings?
Do they have gratitude &appreciation?
If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who can't donearly as much for them!
Do they gossip & speak badly about others?
Someone who gossips c! annotbe someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treatsothers poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5 Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married.
As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change aftermarriage for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult & treacherous.
The key is to try leading a littlemore with your head & less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring onyour finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
Very long article indeed... ^_^
Enjoy your day all...
Well, according to an email that I got from Ravindi ^_^ (sorry to involve you, Rav), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Mrs right.
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.
This is the full article by Dov Heller, M.A
5 Golden Rules for Finding Your Life Partner
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for reviewing theprospects of long-term marital success.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, noone wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appearsthat many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms.Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people makewhen they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love and love only.
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profoundtruth here.
Love! is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is theresult of a good marriage.
When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on lovealone.
You need a lot more. Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself
if you're serious about finding & keeping a lifepartner.
QUESTION #1 Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important?
Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time tolive with someone.
What do you plan to do with each other all that time?Travel, eat & jog together?
You need to share something deeper & moremeaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage.You can grow together, or you can grow apart.
50 percent of the! people outthere are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you wantout of life - bottom line - & marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2 Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of havinggood communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts & feelings.
A colleague of mine definesan abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express yourthoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one.
Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3 Is he! /she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person.
How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine definesa good person as "someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing."
So ask about your significant other What do they do with their time?
Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth & people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walkingdown the aisle.
QUESTION #4 How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing thatmakes any relationship work is the ability to give.
By giving, we mean theability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoysgiving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves & self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:
How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers,etc. How do they treat parents & siblings?
Do they have gratitude &appreciation?
If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who can't donearly as much for them!
Do they gossip & speak badly about others?
Someone who gossips c! annotbe someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treatsothers poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5 Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married.
As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change aftermarriage for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult & treacherous.
The key is to try leading a littlemore with your head & less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring onyour finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
Very long article indeed... ^_^
Enjoy your day all...
posted by Agustina Sadikin at
12:43 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home